The Power of Kindness

I should know better than to step over the line into the shark-infested waters of political twitter. In fact, at the time, I thought I was simply warning others to watch themselves. There could be sharks, I called out. Or riptides. The waters appear calm, but there are toxic levels of e coli or blue-green algae. Maybe avoid this stretch of ocean and go get an ice cream? I ventured too close, though, and the sharks came for me.

My offense? The impeachment vote was imminent. I don’t remember which one. Does it matter? Anyway, I noticed that a new hashtag had sprung to life #ImpeachmentBackFire. “Huh,” I said to myself. I say this often when scanning twitter. “Huh. That seems… calculated. Premature. Designed to raise hackles and cause division.” So, I clicked on the hashtag, and it soon became clear this was, indeed, a manufactured hashtag cued up to trend before the vote had even taken place. As a public service to my fellow twitterers, I tweeted the following:

How to clean up your twitterverse. Search for hashtag #ImpeachmentBackfire
Block all obvious trolls and Russian bots with gleeful abandon.
Whistle to self as you go on with your day. You’re welcome.

Heaven forbid.

Within a minute, I had my first response. This was soon followed by replies asserting that I was “stupid” and a “c**t.” I was told I have “tds” (had to look that one up) and that I was unfairly taking away others’ right to free speech. Ah, bless you children, but you made it all too easy to identify who I no longer wanted to interact with on twitter. #blocked.

You see, the thing is, like bullies and abusers everywhere, trolls, bots, the angry mobs of social media want you to believe that it is their right to express their brand of ugliness at top volume and that you must listen. They will label those who seek to mute them as weak, snowflakes, or the enemies of freedom. It can be frightening to have the ire of the keyboard bandits turn their eyes on you and yell to their followers, “Fire!”

But as I watched the ugliness swarm out of the woodwork like so many cockroaches in a horror film, I decided that replying in kind, engaging in any way, would only give them oxygen. So, instead, I tweeted this:

Bless you. I’ve decided to share a Mr. Rogers meme
for every trollish reply I get to my tweet. Starting now.

And I did. For every ugly tweet that rose up in my mentions, I tweeted another Mr. Rogers meme at the #ImpeachmentBackFire hashtag. It was cathartic to see the beauty of Mr. Rogers in action, to send that energy back out into the world. There was Mr. Rogers dancing with a child, kneeling to speak to someone in a wheelchair, dipping his toes into a wading pool… and it was as if I’d thrown open a door and let the sunlight stream in. The swarming anger disappeared. The nasty replies just… stopped.

In those moments, I had a revelation. Too often those of us who want to find a peaceful way forward are told that we’re Pollyannas. We’re told that you must fight fire with fire. We’re told that too much is at stake to not fight back with equal force and vengeance. We’re told we’re weak.

It takes courage to stand up in the face of vicious attacks and respond not with anger or hostility but with kindness. Mr. Rogers understood the power of kindness. He stood before Congress all those years ago to defend the importance of Public Television and a safe place to express your feelings. He stood up for inclusion and dignity when too many actively worked to diminish and belittle others. Mr. Rogers knew the power of kindness to render the ugliness of the world impotent. What are they going to do? Complain about our civility? Our reasonableness? Go ahead. I’ve got a dozen memes ready to roll…

So now you know the secret. Put on a gift from a loved one. (Maybe a hand-knit cardigan.) As you zip it up or slide it on, remember you are wrapping yourself in the gift of love. Go out into the world determined to spread that feeling wherever and with whomever you meet. Show the trolls of the world that anger and fear and spite can’t diminish the love in your heart.

Yes. I’m just Pollyanna enough to believe I can save the world: one Mr. Rogers meme at a time. #thanksmisterrogers

(FTR, I’ve chosen to delete my twitter post mentioned in this blog, so don’t bother hunting for it. I have screenshotted it if you insist on receipts, but I wanted to erase the ugliness where I had the power to do so. You are free to make your own choices. I reserve the right to delete comments that bring anything other than light into the room. I may be hopeful, but I’m not weak or a pushover. Peace.)

Why I Talk Politics When Everyone’s Angry

I was chatting with friends yesterday about discussing politics in today’s social climate. They wondered why I would want to given how ugly and contentious it often becomes. I told them that engaging on hot-topics helps me practice my tolerance–like any skill, it feels easier when exercised consistently. It gets me out of my own self-validating bubble and helps me understand others who, by and large, feel just as passionately about their point of view.

But, if these discussions rarely change anyone’s mind, why bother to “enter the fray” at all?

Years ago when I was but a fresh-faced college student, I stood waiting at a bus stop with a handful of others. An older woman ambled down the sidewalk. We all shifted to allow her room to pass, but at the moment she came abreast of me, she whirled toward me, cursing, flailing her arm angrily, and spat: “YOU GET OUT OF HERE! WE DON’T WANT ANY OF YOUR KIND AROUND HERE! YOU HEAR ME? GET OUT! GET OUT OF HERE!!!” I backed away at her continued abuse, darting glances at my fellow bus-stop crowd, because, obviously, I did not know this woman, she did not know me, and yet for some reason in her mind, I was THE ENEMY.

It may sound insignificant as stories go. How much harm could an elderly homeless woman do to a 19-year-old at a bus stop in broad daylight? The bus soon arrived, I climbed aboard, and we headed to campus.

But the tears came only when one of the handful of people who’d witnessed this exchange touched my arm and said, “She’s not right in the head. She didn’t mean that for you.” And I realized, that what I needed most in that bizarre, hate-filled, unfairly targeted moment was someone to acknowledge that they SAW and they recognized it was not right, and this wasn’t okay. What that woman gave me–even though she likely felt as powerless as I did to change the misdirected hate in that old woman’s mind–was the knowledge that I wasn’t alone, sometimes people are hurtful, and we don’t have to pretend it’s normal or okay.

Which is my long-winded way of saying that sometimes when I post or talk about hot-topic issues, it’s not that I believe I’ll change hearts and minds with my words, it’s because there may be someone out there who needs to know they have an ally. <3

To those friends, I say…

I SEE YOU.

YOU’RE NOT ALONE.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE HURTFUL.

WE DON’T HAVE TO PRETEND IT’S OKAY.